I wander through these lonely streets, the rain pouring down, the rain washing away any hope left in my cold, dead heart. I am reminded of the people I left behind. They don’t care, and who does? They never did, and who will? They lied and left me, lying on the ground, crying, screaming out “help me, help me”, but no one could hear. The screams were silent while everyone thought I was fine. The memories they broke me down, each flashback cracked my bones until I could not walk anymore. The drained feeling I’m left with, nothing but regret haunts me. And no matter what I do, no amount of paracetamol can cure the pain I feel.
The laughter playing back in my head, but slow it down a bit, it sounds too happy. The screams, ah that’s more like it, deafen me but no one else can hear. It’s all inside this mind of mine, this torturing mind of mine, that has no purpose, no meaning, nothing. All it gives me is fear and pain and it doesn’t stop. STOP. I yell as I grip onto the sides of my head, hoping, praying that they would leave me alone. This headache, this migraine brings me to my knees. I hold on with all I have left, all this pain, hurt, disappointment. But no matter what I do, no amount of paracetamol can cure the pain I feel.
They say that people make your day, but what if all people do is ruin you in everything they say. They hide behind their words to disguise them, and when you’re not looking they explode, unleashing the very thing that was meant to be caged. They destroy with all their might, their pride standing as a barrier blocking out their morals. They pretend, they torture and until you find the ones who will stay around forever, they will never leave. But where are the ones who promised to stay, promised to stay around and be with you through it all, thick and thin. You left. I can’t blame them, I mean who would stay around for me?
Who said parents were of any help at all? They say that we never hear enough of your time at school and how you were getting along, where were you for me to tell you? Where were you? Where were you when I was punched, kicked, called names, slapped and told I was not worth it? Where were you when I believed them so much that I had convinced myself that I really did not deserve any happiness? Where were you when I cried myself to sleep because I didn’t want to stay around in this evil world for much longer? Where the hell were you when I relied on a stranger to keep me holding onto this life and then went on to became my only hope to carry on living? But you tell me to stay away from people who are bad and are a negative influence. Do you know them like I know them? Forget other people, do you know your own child who is really nothing more than an outsider? You know the worst thing about it, I asked you for help and you refused.
The memories of when you were here crush me, like an avalanche of remembrance all coming at once. They remind me of what we had now that it is gone. The only good that was present, saving me from all the lies and deceit that I’m being fed, has drifted, leaving me with no home, nothing. But the good thing, I will not regret anything I do, now that I have no one. In the world that forced me to be something that I’m not, I said no and stayed true to myself. What wrong did I do? What sin did I commit? I wish I was anywhere but here. Because now I’m left on this lonely earth by my lonely self and no matter what I do no amount of paracetamol can cure the pain I feel.